Don't Forget Me
by Always34
Summary: If I told you that who you saw wasn't really me at all, I'd run to a secluded place, climb, close my eyes, and fall. Would you think that it was me who suddenly left you behind? Or would my empty shell be the one you try to find? I promise I'm still here, even if you cannot see. I know I'm not who you think I am, but please don't forget me.
1. chapter 1

**I do not own DEH or it's characters. I'm simply a die-hard fan. Please enjoy the first story on my account. My cousin and I wrote this (well, she wrote it and I edited it). Anyway...I wanted to make sure there was more than just Treebros out there.**

 **WARNING: mentions of attempted suicide, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.**

 **If I'm being honest, I do not believe it is all that graphic, but I have never experienced anything remotely similar to this. My cousin was the one that came up with the idea.**

 **So, just in case it's more triggering than I believe it to be, please READ WITH CAUTION. I don't want anything bad happening to someone because of what I write.**

 **Reviews are always welcome (good and bad alike). If you have any good ideas for stories or just random headcanons you want to see, please feel free to contact me:) I only ask, try to stay away from romantic requests...I am not very good at writing romance, LOL!**

 **Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

 **If I told you that who you saw wasn't really me at all…**

 _I screwed it up. I screwed it all up. I ruined everything, I ruined everyone, and there's nothing I can do to change it. It's all gone now, and it's because of me. My friendship with Jared? Gone. My relationship with Zoe? Gone. The love of the mother who once cared for me so much? Gone._

Evan's eyes were pink and swollen from crying, and his posture was so hunched it hurt, not that he cared anymore. A pile of tissues littered his bed, which he was seated criss-cross on, and his hand hung limply over the box next to his knees. He made no intention of moving it. What would it matter? Another tissue, another tear wiped away, another loss unresolved.

Evan was counting his losses, but he forgot about the most valuable of all: _himself_. The one thing he could actually bear to lose. The one reason he was in this mess in the first place.

Ever since the Connor Project ended, Evan hadn't been himself at all. The bright-eyed boy with the goofy smile and shy blushes had been reduced to an empty shell, a husk of who he had once been. Instead of sparkling like ice, his eyes were dark with pain. The once healthy, thick mop of hair on his head had gone limp. The soft, flawless skin of his wrists was mapped with scars, though most of them were old as Evan hadn't been able to even muster the energy to pick up his razor lately.

He was not Evan Hansen. He was someone who might have once been Evan Hansen, perhaps in another lifetime, one where he could remember what pure happiness felt like. But those memories had disappeared along with himself.

Now that the thought about it, exactly why was he still here?

He wasn't doing anything particularly useful, just sitting, thinking, and producing twice his weight in tears. He was a waste of space, he noted as he glanced down at his skinny arms and traced his fingers along the thin lines. He hated it. He hated being a waste of potential and a disappointment to probably every living being on Earth.

 _They don't want you here either, Evan._

The voice echoed in Evan's ears, and he sucked in a sharp breath, the pounding in his ears getting louder. The voice was wrong, he tried to tell himself. It was wrong it was wrong it was wrong. But his efforts to convince himself felt weak and forced.

It's right it's right it's right.

How many people would miss him? Would his mom? Maybe, but once she remembered who her son was- her lying, manipulative son- she'd forget. And Jared? Would Jared miss him? Never. Evan didn't need to think twice. His dad? Ha. Evan's father had probably forgotten he had a son.

Wincing with the effort, Evan reached to the side of his bed and picked up his laptop from the floor.

 **…I'd run to a secluded place, climb, close my eyes, and fall.**

The first thing Evan saw when he opened his laptop was his home screen, decorated with the wallpaper he hadn't bothered to change in months. It showed Evan- the real Evan, long gone Evan- standing in front of a thick oak tree, blond curls hanging in his face, his grin somewhat crooked but nevertheless overjoyed. He held himself with much more bravado than he usually did, and the "Apprentice Park Ranger" badge pinned to his uniform glinted in the sunlight.

He felt unexpected tears prick the back of his eyelids. That was his first day on the job that had changed his life. His mind flickered back to the day- the day he was called and informed he'd been given the job, the celebration his mom had thrown for him, and then taking his picture in front of his favorite tree for his scrapbook.

He remembered the day, only a month later. he'd gone back to that oak tree, and he'd started climbing, and he looked out from the top branch and wondered why he'd never bothered to seek this glorious view before.

 _The day he'd let go._

He forced the memory out of his mind, steadied his shaking hand, and clicked on Google Docs.

 **Would you think that it was me who suddenly left you behind?**

One time, before the Connor Project, Evan's mom had walked into his room with a sizable stack of papers in her hands, her smile as bright as ever. She'd explained to him that the papers were essay contests, and with his skills at writing, he might win himself a scholarship. "You're a fabulous writer," she'd said. "Imagine the colleges you could get into!"

She'd believed in her son so much. She'd been so confident in his abilities.

And now her son was gone, taken by the repercussions of his lies, leaving a sickly doppelgänger in his place.

They would not miss him.

At least he could now put his writing skills to use.

 **Or would my empty shell be the one you try to find?**

Thirty minutes of writing, revising, and editing finally led Evan to where he wanted to be. The document was long and his throat ached with unshed tears when he finished and hit the print button, but he'd be okay. In the long run, it wouldn't matter. He wouldn't matter. Who was he kidding, he didn't even matter now.

After stumbling out of his bed and making his way over to the printer he had in his room (one of Heidi's many kindnesses), he fetched the document and placed it on his neatly folded bedsheets, on top of his tear-stained pillow. Crossing his arms, he stepped back to admire it. His breath hitched in his throat. Nobody walking into his room for the first time would guess that it belonged to a quiet, scarred, tired boy formerly known as Evan Hansen. It looked like it belonged to the real Evan, the one who loved and could be loved, who could find happiness in the small things like sunrises and the breeze rustling through tree branches.

Once everything was ready, Evan debated taking his phone with him for only a moment before deciding it was probably wise to leave it behind. Quickly he snatched it from his nightstand and disabled the password so Heidi would be able to get in. At least he wouldn't be able to get yelled at for his internet history after today. Not that Heidi would care. She'd see and laugh, and then she'd think about how she expected nothing less from such a horrible person, and that even now Evan would soon be no more than a forgotten memory.

 _I deserve to be forgotten. Let them forget me._

Evan's plan was now in motion.

He began to approach the bedroom door slowly before hesitating, his pale hand ghosting the doorknob for a second before he turned around to take in the details of his room for the very last time. Another unexpected wave of memories washed over him like a tide and made him feel nauseous.

Image after image began to fly though his head. Each one was louder than the last.

 _Evan and Jared, playing Mario Kart instead of studying. Evan was winning._

 _Evan having a panic attack and crying into his mom's shoulder, whispering how much he loved her, and Heidi whispering her love back._

 _Zoe, her lips pressed to Evan's, their fingers intertwined as their brains went haywire together._

And many more, years upon years of memories, memories Evan had vowed to never forget, but here he was.

And suddenly Evan was crying, because he knew he didn't want to die, that somehow everything would turn out alright like it always did. Heidi would come save him. Jared would forgive him. Zoe would whisper sweet nothings into his ear. Alana would assure him that he was still loved and valuable. And he'd be Evan again. He'd be happy.

But that feeling was gone as soon as it had appeared, and Evan was left alone with his tears and ragged breathing.

He needed to leave this all behind.

So, he slipped out of his room without a second glance.

Since Heidi wasn't home from work yet, Evan was able to slip easily into the garage and into his car. He let the familiar sound of the old engine starting lull him a bit. The sound was relaxing and something he was very used to, and he felt his breathing instantly calm. He'd be okay.

He pulled out of the driveway unceremoniously, since no goodbyes were necessary. His house would be so much brighter without him, wouldn't it? Why would he bid goodbye to something that would be better off without him?

Why would he bid goodbye to something he would be better off without?

The country road to the national park was silent. It was a weekday and school had only just gotten out of session, so nobody was traveling quite yet. Once again, Evan was alone with his thoughts. He gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white so the thoughts would stay away. He just wanted to keep his eyes on the goal, and the intrusive memories were not helping.

It wasn't long before he arrived.

He parked right in front of his oak tree. His ears starting to ring, and his heart starting to pump faster. This was it, this was the end. It seemed so surreal. Evan let out an involuntary laugh of relief. Everything was going so fast. Memories were whirring past him like a tornado, and he was caught in the eye of it all. They just kept whirring and whirring and suddenly Evan wasn't really aware of himself anymore. Time sped up. He got out of the car. And then he was climbing.

One foot after the other. One branch, then to another.

Keep going, keep getting higher, until all you can see is sun.

Let it shine on your face.

Let the world mourn the Evan they have already lost, not the Evan they are about to lose.

And suddenly he was there. He was on the same branch. He was looking at the same sun.

He let go.

And there was no pain.

Only darkness.

 **I promise I'm still here, even if you cannot see…**

"Evan!" Heidi called cheerfully as she dropped her bags by the front door, almost panting with tiredness. It had been a long day, but it was over. She'd made it through, and now she had arrived at her favorite part of the day, which was spending time with her son. Evan hadn't been feeling so well the last couple of days, but Heidi knew she could cheer him up.

"Evan?" Heidi called again, her brow furrowing when she didn't get a response after a moment. Oh well. He was probably in his room, sleeping. She'd be sure to wake him up gently.

She climbed the stairs with ease, the name tag on her uniform jingling until she arrived at Evan's door. Pushing the door open, she gazed to her son's room. "Ev-" she began, but stopped mid word.

Evan's room was empty.

Normally she'd just turn and leave. She'd go search for Evan somewhere else. But a small shape on Evan's bed caught her attention, and she slipped inside his room slowly, listening to the door creak.

Evan's bed was neatly made and his room was cleaned perfectly. Heidi hadn't seen it this nice in a long time. He'd even put his laundry away.

But she laid little mind to that compared the the shape on Evan's bed.

As she got closer, she saw it was a folded up note, which immediately sparked her curiosity. She picked it up gently and saw it assessed to "mom" on the outside.

Suddenly her heartbeat increased rapidly.

With shaky fingers she unfolded the note, scanning it quickly, and suddenly she knew exactly what it was.

 _"Mom,_

 _This is short but I hope it gets the point across._

 _If you're reading this, it means I succeeded this time._

 _I'm sorry I've been so unlike myself these last couple days. Because the truth is, I haven't been myself. The Connor Project took that all away from me. I don't know whether it was Jared, or Zoe, or even you that made it happen, but it happened and none of us can change it. I'm sorry. I miss you so much already. I miss our taco Tuesdays and your essay contests. I miss your hugs and I miss your smile. I miss those times when you'd calm me down after an anxiety attack, and then we'd go eat popcorn and watch Disney movies. I'm sorry I took all that away from you. I'm sorry I snapped some time during the school year and turned into the lying disgrace of a son who you know and don't love. But it's okay. I got what I deserve._

 _I don't want you to think that Evan Hansen is the one who died. He's not. Evan is still with you, even though you don't know it. The person who died is just a changed version of me who doesn't deserve to live._

 _I don't mean to hurt you. I just want to help. All I've always wanted was to help. I don't want myself to die, I want you to know that I live on. Please remember the real me. Think back on all good memories. That's the me I want you to remember. The me you used to know._

 _I love you, Mom._

 _All I ask is one thing:_

 **I know I'm not who you think I am, but please don't forget me."**


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own DEH or it's characters. I'm simply a die-hard fan. Please enjoy chapter two of this story!**

 **WARNING: brief language**

 **Other than that, I do not believe there is anything bad. If there is, please tell me, and I will add that to the warning.**

 **But, just in case it's more triggering than I believe it to be, please READ WITH CAUTION. I don't want anything bad happening to someone because of what I write.**

 **It has also come to my attention that when this is all happening is kind of confusing. I am making an executive decision and deciding this is going on in June-the same time of year Evan broke his arm the previous year. In the preview for the new DEH novel (amazing by the way!) it's revealed that Evan was a Pisces. This implies he was born in either late February or early March. In my story, he's a Gemini. It's not canon, but neither is this entire story. Please feel free to PM me about any lingering questions.**

 **Reviews are always welcome (good and bad alike). If you have any good ideas for stories or just random head-canons you want to see, please feel free to contact me:) I only ask, try to stay away from romantic requests...I am not very good at writing romance, LOL!**

 **Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

 _I bet he'll be begging me to be his friend again when I give him this._

Jared smiled proudly at the small bonsai tree in his hands. It was a present for Evan. A present of reconciliation. Plus, it was Evan's eighteenth birthday, and Jared knew he wouldn't be getting anything from anyone else. And it had been silent between the two for long enough. Frankly, Jared was bored. _Really_ bored. He would never admit it, but Evan had been his only real friend. And, yes, it was Evan that had ruined the friendship, but Jared was ready to move on. He wanted to be able to tell someone the fake things he had been doing recently. Jared supposed it was cruel—to tell Evan all the "things" he was "doing" with other "people"—but it made Jared feel better about only having one friend.

Evan had called a few times after the fight, but Jared hadn't answered. Instead, Jared just sat around his house doing nothing. When his parents had asked about what he and Evan were up to these days, he hadn't said they were fighting. He just did what he always did to Evan and made up stories.

" _We went to the orchard and planted trees."_

" _We went to his house and had a movie night."_

" _We went to the Murphy's to celebrate the opening of the orchard."_

All of them were lies, of course. But it didn't really matter since his parents still paid for his car insurance.

Jared sighed. _Of course, it matters._ He wanted the lies to become true. He wanted to be able to talk to Evan again. He wanted to be Evan's friend again. He wanted to be a part of something again. Contrary to what Evan thought, Jared loved being a part of the Connor project. But, it wasn't that easy to stay a part of. Alana had forgotten he had even been a part of it. _Everyone_ had forgotten about him. Not only had _everyone_ forgotten that he was even a part of the Connor Project, but the Murphy family had not celebrated anything. _They probably figured out that Evan was lying._ Jared didn't think it was that hard to figure out. Nothing in the emails really added up. Especially once the "suicide note" was released.

The letter.

Jared remembered when Evan first told him Connor had taken it. Jared had joked about it being a "sex letter" to Zoe Murphy. He had no idea what it had actually said. Evan had never told him. But when that was released, Jared read it. And he almost slapped himself. Had he known what it actually said… He would have never joked about it.

 _I should have been a better friend._

 _I_ could _have been a better friend._

Jared walked confidently up to the Hansen's front door. He didn't see Mrs. Hansen's or Evan's cars out front, but he supposed they could have been in the garage. He rang the doorbell.

 _Hey, Mrs. Hansen. Is Evan here? I brought him a bonsai tree,_ Jared practiced inside his head. He was getting restless just standing there. He rang the doorbell again. There was still no answer.

Jared placed the tree on the porch table and peered through the window. Some lights seemed to be on, but he couldn't see anyone. He decided to call Evan's phone.

Ring.

 _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea._

Ring.

 _Maybe he doesn't even_ want _to reconcile._

Ring.

 _Maybe he doesn't really need me to be his friend._

Ring.

 _But I sure need him to be mine._

"I'm sorry. The number you called is unavailable. At the tone, please recor—"

Jared ended the call. "Where are you, Evan?"

He rang the doorbell one more time.

No answer.

Jared sighed, picking up the tree again. _I'll just have to come back another time._ He got into his car and started to drive away. He couldn't stop thinking as he drove away from the Hansen's. Maybe he _should_ leave Evan alone. Maybe he should let Evan come to him. But, Evan was _not_ one to make the first move. Even after the short three weeks where he helped run the Connor project, he hadn't really been a spontaneous person. And if Jared knew one thing, you had to be pretty spontaneous to make the first move talking to _him_. Jared knew people thought he was weird and annoying. Jared thought of himself as weird and annoying. But at least he had had Evan. Now he didn't, and he was completely lost. He needed Evan. He couldn't take "no" for an answer.

Filled with this newfound confidence, Jared pulled out his cell phone and called Evan again.

Ring.

 _This is what I want to do_.

Ring.

 _This is what I need to do._

Ring.

 _This is what I must do_.

Ring.

 _I must let him know he's still my friend._

"I'm sorry. The number you c—"

"Damn!" Jared seethed as he ended the call. Why wasn't Evan answering? It's not like he has anything better to do. He doesn't have any other friends. Zoe isn't talking to him. Alana isn't talking to him. There was no one else that really talked to him. No one except Jared. And _they_ hadn't talked in weeks.

Jared called Heidi. She didn't answer.

Jared decided to call Evan one more time. And this time, he would leave a message.

Ring.

 _Please, Evan. Pick up._

Ring.

 _I want to be your friend again._

Ring.

 _I_ need _to be your friend again._

Ring

 _I can't lose you._

"I'm sorry. The number you called is not availab—" Jared sighed, letting the voice continue. He promised he would leave a message and he planned to stick to that promise. "—may hang up or press one for more options."

Beep.

"Hey, Evan. It's Jared. I wanted to tell you that I need to talk to you. And I don't care if you don't want to talk to me anymore. I've made up my mind. I need you as my friend. Because you're my—" Jared swallowed his pride. "—you're my only friend. And I don't think I can handle losing you. So, please, call me back. Oh. I almost forgot. Happy birthday Evan."

Jared hung up the phone.

The light turned green.

Jared started to pull out but heard the sirens.

An ambulance blew past him.

 _I wonder what happened to that person?_

* * *

Heidi had called the police. It hadn't been very hard to decipher where Evan was. After all, he had told her about the previous summer and what he had done. It makes sense that he would have gone to that place—that tree again. She had dropped everything but her purse and the letter and got right back into her car. She had to get to him. She had no idea how long he had been gone, so she had no idea if he was still going to be—

Heidi shook her head. She couldn't think about that. She had to keep her mind focused while she drove. After all, she had seen plenty of people who had been in car accidents because they were thinking of something—some _one_ else. She followed every traffic law and drove the precise speed limit. She couldn't afford to get pulled over. The police had said they were sending an ambulance, but she needed to be there. She needed to ride with her son—her baby—this time. Her _baby_ was hurting. She had thought he was doing better. She should have seen this. She should have known this was going to happen. She should have learned from her mistakes.

Heidi pulled into the park just as the paramedics were getting out of the ambulance. She ran over to the base of the tree— _the_ tree. I didn't seem tall enough to kill him, but she didn't know as much about physics to tell.

Heidi made sure to stay out of the paramedic's way, but she had to get a look at her son. She peered over the paramedics as they secured Evan's head.

"From the looks of it, he has some kind of skull fracture. There might be some internal bleeding. We have to get him to the hospital _now_."

"Excuse me?" Heidi asked, trying to get one of their attentions. "I'm a nurse's aide at the hospital, and this is my son. May I ride with you to the hospital?"

"What's your son's name?" One paramedic asked.

"Evan. Evan Hansen."

Before Heidi could even comprehend what was going on, they were all in the ambulance on their way to the hospital. The paramedic was checking all of Evan's vitals when he realized Evan wasn't breathing. He quickly got to work.

Heidi just grabbed her son's hand and rubbed it gently, but what she felt was not what she expected. His skin wasn't smooth. It felt rough and bumpy. She glanced down at his wrist and almost doubled over in shock. She had no idea what her son had been doing to himself. She hadn't known he was hurting himself. _How long has this been going on? How long has he been hiding this?_

Heidi couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened. Evan had tried to take his own life again. Heidi wanted to slap herself for not realizing her son was hurting. Ever since his fight with the Murphy's, he had been different. He was taking his medicine again, but the doctors also had him on anti-depressants. Evan had been going to therapy even more than he had been—at his own request. The two of them were spending more and more time together, too. Things had been looking up. Well, at least she had thought they were.

Looking back, Heidi realized that Evan had never really talked with her much about what had happened with the Murphy's or Jared or Alana. He had told her that he had a fight with each of them but hadn't gone into much detail. Heidi sighed. _It must have been worse than he let me believe_. All Heidi knew was that they were about the Connor Project. She couldn't believe how stupid she was.

Heidi hardly realized that the paramedic was now trying to get Evan out of the ambulance. She climbed out after them and followed the doctors as they rolled Evan into the ER. When she got to the double doors that she knew she wasn't allowed to cross, she couldn't help but try to cross them. It was her son they were wheeling in there—her _son_!

One of the doctors that had worked with Heidi on multiple occasions gently pushed her out of the room. "I'm sorry, Heidi, but you know you aren't supposed to come in here. We'll take great care of your son."

Heidi reluctantly did what the doctor said and stayed outside the room. She backed away from the door, unable to look at her son's unconscious, broken body anymore. She made her way to the waiting room, filled out paperwork, and waited patiently for any news of her son's condition.

It was more than three hours before the doctor from before came to see her. "Heidi?"

Heidi stood up and anxiously walked over to the doctor. "Jeff, what's wrong with my son?"

"He's in surgery right now. He has a depressive skull fracture and possible meningitis. In conjunction with his head injury, some spinal nerves seem to be damaged, so there could potentially be paralysis. We'll know more when he gets out of surgery." The doctor placed a hand on Heidi's shoulder, noticing how unsteady her expression looked. "He's stable for now. Why don't you go home and rest?"

"I can't. My car is at the park. I rode here with the ambulance."

"I'll call my wife to come pick you up. How about that?" Heidi simply nodded. Jeff handed her a bag. "This is everything Evan had on him when he came in here."

Heidi nodded again. "Thank you." She took the bag and sat back down, not bothering to look through it. Her eyes landed on her cell phone. She picked it up. There was a missed call from Jared. _I wonder if I should call him and let him know what happened._

She scrolled through her contacts. She was about to click on Jared's name, when another name caught her eye. She hadn't called him in probably five or six years. She supposed he needed to know that Evan was in the hospital. She sighed and clicked on his name, totally forgetting she was about to call Jared.

The phone rang, and the answering machine got it. "James? This is Heidi. I need you to call me back. I need to talk to you. It's about our son. Evan."

* * *

 **Ta-da! And guess what? I already have all the other chapters planned out. How it's planned so far, there will be ten chapters total. I have not written any of it yet...**

 **Updating it may take place every week at the longest. It might be kind of sporadic. I have work and other things going on.**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter! Don't forget to review!**

 **Sincerely,**

 **Me**

 **(Always34)**


	3. Chapter 3

**I guess I got a little excited because here is the third chapter.**

 **I do not own DEH or its characters. I am simply a die-hard fan.**

 **WARNING: description of injuries and some dark thoughts**

 **Again, I'm not really sure if these warnings are necessary. So, just incase it's more triggering than I believe it to be, please READ WITH CAUTION. I don't want anything bad happening to someone because of what I write.**

 **Reviews are always welcome (good and bad alike). If you have any good ideas for stories or just random headcanons you want to see, please feel free to contact me:) I only ask, try to stay away from romantic requests...I am not very good at writing romance, LOL!**

 **Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

Heidi was back at the hospital at seven a.m. the next morning. She had skipped class and was going to tell her boss that she was going to have to take a few days off. There was no way she could stand to be working in the same hospital as her unconscious son and _not_ be able to go see him. She would be so close, yet so far. It would be the cruelest of tortures. Depriving a mother of her ability to take care of her son. Cruel.

When she had gone home, Heidi did a thorough search of Evan's room. She wanted to find out everything that had been going on. She wanted to be able to understand why Evan had done what he had done. Heidi was pawing through Evan's night stand when she found his phone. She knew he hadn't had it on him. It hadn't been in the bag of his belongings. She turned the phone over in her hand. The screen came on. He had three missed calls and a voicemail from Jared.

 _Jared!_

Heidi sighed, remembering that she had been wanting to call Jared and talk to him about what happened. He and Evan may have been in a fight, but Jared has always been Evan's closest friend. She didn't need a passcode to unlock Evan's phone. She supposed he had unlocked it for her. He was always thinking of how to make things easier for _her_ rather than _himself_. Heidi wiped a stray tear from her cheek, clicked on the voicemail, and put the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Evan. It's Jared. I wanted to tell you that I need to talk to you. And I don't care if you don't want to talk to me anymore. I've made up my mind. I need you as my friend. Because you're my—you're my only friend. And I don't think I can handle losing you. So, please, call me back. Oh. I almost forgot. Happy birthday Evan."

Once the voicemail was over, Heidi glanced at the timestamp. 5:23pm. That was ten minutes after Heidi had found the note. Who knows how long it had been since Evan had left it. All she knew was that they had gotten to him in time.

Heidi pulled out her own phone and scrolled to Jared's contact info. She pulled up his phone number and called him.

Ring.

 _I'm doing the right thing._

Ring.

 _He deserves to know._

Ring.

 _After all, they're best friends._

"Mrs. Hansen?"

Heidi smiled sadly. "Hello, Jared."

"I've been trying to call Evan. Is he there?"

Heidi felt her throat clinch slightly. "Evan is actually the reason I called you. There was an accident."

"Accident? What kind of an accident?" Jared's voice was growing more and more frantic.

"He's in the hospital. Jared, he jumped out of a tree."

"What? I have to see him."

"I'll meet you at the hospital."

Heidi and Jared hung up the phone. Heidi grabbed Evan's phone and her purse and went back to the hospital.

* * *

Jared sat in his car, unable to drive off. Everything was rolling back through his mind.

 _You_ fell _out of a tree? What are you, like, an acorn?_

Maybe Evan had not fallen…maybe Evan had…

Jared shook his head to clear his thoughts. He put his car in Drive and started toward the hospital.

 _The ambulance yesterday._

 _Had it been carrying Evan?_

 _Had he missed Evan by only a little bit?_

Jared slammed his hand down on his steering wheel. Had he only gotten over his stubbornness a day later, this would have never happened. Evan wouldn't be in the hospital fighting for the life he wanted so badly to end.

Jumped.

Evan had jumped.

He hadn't fallen.

Evan tried to kill himself.

Jared gasped as the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. _Evan needed the Connor Project because he knew how Connor felt._ Sure, Connor was successful in his attempt, but Evan had still tried. And all those times that Jared had called Connor crazy or a psychopath. That whole time, Evan had always compared himself to Connor. He only ever really saw how similar the two were. _That's_ why he helped start the Connor Project. Well, at least maybe that was _one_ of the reasons. Maybe Jared was reading this whole thing the wrong way. Maybe he was just trying to make some sense out of something that would never make sense to him.

Jared was plenty smart. But some things…they just went straight over his head. Not that he wasn't aware of potentially harmful comments, or that he wasn't in control of his actions. Actually, that made it a million times worse. He _knew_ what he was doing. He just hadn't really cared.

It had all started with that stupid comment about Connor of the first day of senior year.

 _"_ _Hey Connor. Loving the new hair length. Very school-shooter-chic."_

 _"_ _You're such a freak."_

And his insensitivity with the buttons.

 _"_ _Pretty soon there will be some third-world tsunami to raise money for, and Connor will just be that dead kid whose name no one remembers."_

He had played it off like Connor's suicide was something to use to his own benefit.

And that's exactly what he had accused Evan of doing.

Maybe, to Evan, it _did_ seem like he was doing it to help the Murphy's. Maybe Evan had no idea that it seemed like what he was doing was selfish. After all. It didn't seem like he knew much about friendships. Considering some of the lies he told made it seem like he and Connor were _together_ rather than friends. But, who can blame him? Jared wasn't the best example for a friend, and he knew it. Of course Evan pictured it differently.

And now Evan was in the hospital.

Jared had no idea how bad his injuries were. Last time, it was just a broken arm. Who knows what had happened this time. If the ambulance from yesterday was the one Evan was on, that would mean that Evan had been in the hospital all night. So, chances are that the injuries were much, much worse.

Jared quickly put the car in drive and pulled out of his drive way. He needed to now how bad Evan's injuries were. He had to know if Evan was okay.

* * *

Heidi stared at the clock on the wall. The doctor had only talked to her ten minutes ago, but it felt like it had been forever. He was in recovery now, but they weren't sure of anything definite. He had broken his skull—that much they knew for sure. As for the paralysis the doctor had mentioned earlier, they wouldn't be sure until he woke up. It could be days before Evan would be able to wake up. But that doesn't mean anything to a terrified mother. Heidi just wanted to know that he'd be okay. She just wanted that much. A doctor's guarantee. Maybe then she could rest.

She glanced down at her phone. It had been almost twelve hours since she had called James. He wasn't responding, and it was getting frustrating. She clicked on his contact again and put the phone to her ear.

Ring.

 _He's his father. He should be here._

Ring.

 _He should know what's going on._

Ring.

 _Evan could die._

Ring.

 _James would want to say good-bye if it came to that. Right?_

"I'm sorry. The number you—" Heidi rolled her eyes and let the voice go through its spiel.

Beep.

"James, I don't know what you're doing right now, but this is important. It's not about me or you. It's about our son. Like it or not, he _is_ your son—your _first_ son. He needs you right now. So, step up and take responsibility. I've let you coast by for the last eleven years. Well, that stops now. So, call me back or so help me…" Heidi sighed. "Look. Would I really be calling you if it weren't completely urgent? Just call me back. Please, James." Heidi hung up the phone, staring at the screen.

"Mrs. Hansen."

Heidi looked up and saw Jared walking toward her. "Jared. I'm so glad you're here."

"What happened? You said he jumped out of a tree?"

Heidi could easily tell there was real concern and fright in the boy's voice. "Sit down." Jared did. "I'm not positive myself what happened. Evan had left a note on his bed. I just assumed he would choose to try in the same place as last time."

"So, he really—he tried to…" Jared couldn't finish the sentence.

Heidi couldn't either. She just nodded.

Jared thought back to the bonsai tree. "I was going to give him a present. I wanted to tell him that I'm sorry. I couldn't come up with a better day to do so than his birthday. 'Happy birthday, Evan. Here's your best friend back and a bonsai tree!'" Jared sighed. "I've been a terrible friend."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"I've been ignoring him because of that stupid Connor Project."

Heidi shifted slightly in her seat. "Evan never told me why you two stopped being friends."

"It's not a long story. I assume you know that the whole Connor-Evan friendship was a scam, right?" Heidi nodded. "I was the one who wrote the emails. At least the ones at the very beginning. Eventually, they stopped including me."

"They?"

"Evan and Alana."

"Right. I almost had forgotten about her." Heidi sighed. "So, then what happened?"

"I told Evan that I could reveal everything and tell everyone the truth." Jared looked down at his hands. "Then he did the same to me. So, I stopped talking to him." Jared took a deep breath, feeling the regret place a firm hold on his lungs. "He called me a few times earlier this week, and I just ignored him. I was still so angry. I could have stopped all of this if I had just answered the phone."

Heidi said nothing. She had not realized they hadn't spoken since before the Connor Project ended. And according to Jared, the two hadn't spoke with each other since. So, why did Evan lie and say the two boys had been hanging out while she was at work or class? What had he really been doing during that time?

"I should have given him his tree earlier."

Heidi found the perfect chance to change the subject. "Did Evan ever tell you why he was so obsessed with trees?"

"No."

"He was seven, and we went to one of the national parks…"

Heidi told Jared the story of how Evan had fallen in love with the trees one autumn, when the leaves were just starting to turn. It had been beautiful. That year, he had spent every bit of free time researching and collecting different samples from different types of trees. His collection had gotten so expansive, that he had no room to keep all his books and samples in his book shelves anymore. Evan had cried when he had to throw away his leaves and woods. The collection had been the first thing that had made him smile after his father left. Heidi had let him keep one sample. He had kept one of the leaves from that first autumn at the national park.

"It's sitting in his room still, as far as I know."

Jared smiled sadly. He hadn't known that. He really didn't know anything about Evan. Just that he has social anxiety and has never had a true friend in his life—someone that wanted absolutely nothing from him. The fact that trees had once been his coping mechanism…

Jared had spent so much time ridiculing and belittling Evan's "forest expertise."

 _"_ _You'll be obsessed with all my forest expertise."_

 _"_ _Absolutely not."_ Jared had said.

He felt terrible. "I didn't know. I didn't know any of that."

Heidi gave Jared a small smile. "Evan's never been one to share what's going on in his mind. He's always seemed more introverted."

"Heidi?" a new voice cut off the conversation.

Heidi and Jared both looked up at the approaching doctor. It was the same one from the day before. Heidi smiled. "Hi, Jeff. Any news?"

"Well, Evan is being moved from recovery, but he is still unconscious. Because of his injuries, we placed him in a medically induced coma. This should help his body recuperate faster. He'll most likely wake up in a week or so, and we can inspect all of the injuries then."

"Is there anything you can tell us now?"

"Evan has a depressive skull fracture. When he hit the ground, his head hit a rock, and parts of the skull broke inward towards the occipital lobe. This isn't necessarily life threatening on its own, but some of the potential injuries could be fatal. There is a possibility he may not be able to recognize familiar things, like your house or his car. The most danger could come from possible meningitis. Meningitis is very common with this type of skull fracture. As for Evan's back, there are some injured spinal nerves, but it doesn't look like any paralysis caused by the injured nerves will be permanent. However, we won't know that until he wakes up."

Heidi felt like her head was going to explode. Some of the words the doctor used floated around in her head.

 _Life threatening._

 _Fatal._

 _Danger._

 _Paralysis._

She rubbed her temple.

"Heidi? Do you have any questions?"

"Can I see him?"

The doctor nodded and led Heidi down the hallway. Jared stayed in the waiting room, knowing Heidi would want to be by herself for this part. The room got closer and closer. It was room 218. Heidi sighed. She had almost forgotten that Evan had turned eighteen yesterday.

The doctor opened the door. Heidi had tried to prepare herself for this moment, but suddenly, it was as if she had _just_ learned of Evan's attempt. She stood there, her lungs seemingly deflating, and it felt as though she would never breathe again. Tears started to fall down her cheeks as she walked to Evan's bedside. She reached out her hand and stroked his cheek gently. He was so peaceful. It almost looked as if he was dead.

She wanted to wake him up. To get some sort of proof that he _was_ actually alive. But, then he would be in pain. It would take longer for him to heal. She didn't want that. He was her little boy—her baby. She didn't want him to be in any pain. She hadn't wanted any of this for him. She had only wanted him to be happy and healthy.

Heidi understood why the Murphy's were so adamant in believing Evan's lies about Connor. They must have felt so _desperate_ to believe their son wasn't as… _lonely_ as he actually was. Any good memory made it easier.

Heidi was drawn from her thoughts by her ringtone. She took her phone from her pocket and glanced at the caller ID. It was James. She quickly answered the phone. "James?"

"Hello, Heidi."

* * *

 **I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry I ended on another James cliffhanger. It's just such an easy hook. Is he gonna step up and be a dad? Who knows! I say that because I haven't started chapter four yet. I had just gotten a major brainstorm. It's totally passed now, so there won't be a second surprise where I post the fourth chapter. I'll get it up as soon as possible though.**

 **Don't forget to review!**

 **Until next time,**

 **Sincerely,**

 **Me**

 **(Always34)**


	4. Author's Note - Not Chapter 4

I AM SO INCREDIBLY SORRY, BUT THIS STORY IS NOT DISCONTINUED!

It has been way longer than a week. I have been preparing for the next year and have totally ignored this story. I have been writing little spurts of like a hundred words at a time, but am so distracted about packing and moving that I haven't had much inspiration. I want this story to be great for you guys. You deserve it for taking the time to read my story. I am not going to write some fast, crappy chapter. I want to write something that doesn't seem like I was rushed and lazy.

That being said, I am not positive when the next chapter will be up. But don't worry. I have NOT forgotten about it. I am in the process of writing it right now. I'm just going to be a little longer on it.

Again, I am sorry about the lack of more chapters. But this story is still going. I am not quitting on you guys:)

Sincerely,

Me

(Always34)


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